The great fall

Well...I know I haven't been keeping my promise to myself to write each day in this blog. But I have to say that I definitely have my reasons. I can't say I'm dissapointed though, I'm proud that I haven't spent all my time here in front of a computer screen.
Every time I think I finally understand the meaning of the say When it Rains, it Pours, I experience a further depth in it. I DO not understand, one bit, why this year has occured at all. I'm past the point of understand, the point of trying, and the point of FEELING anything. All that has happened is pain, suffering, and loss for myself and those all around me. Maybe I picked up a bad vodo in Mexico and brought it back with me.
I know that in everything we are supposed to be grateful to God; that we are supposed to take it as an opportunity to learn more about life. And maybe this is what eventually will happen, but as of now...I'm fed up. I pray so hard, almost to the point of tears, that nothing more will happen. I want a boring life in all senses of the word for a while. Let us recover from all of this!
Right now I'm sitting in Rodez, waiting for news on whether or not my dear French family is now homeless. Yesterday, the house was being renovated (the large part where no one lives yet) and the interior foundation came tumbling down. OK more like thundering down. It was a lot of rock gravity took out. And at that time Lucie and I were trying to take a little nap in the little house that was built adjoined to the large portion. Next thing we knew, men were running in the house telling us to get out as they thought the whole house would collapse.
The house hasn't collapsed yet, but basically everything this family has is in that house. And yes, it is just stuff, but the day before my poor family took a large blow of dissapointment that already had broken their hearts. Now their home, also, is gone. We will know soon if the house will be fixable at all. There is a very large crane holding up the house for now, and next week we should know the extent of the problem. But either way, it is a great loss for anyone to bear.
I begin to wonder what it is God wants us to take from EVERYTHING we've been through this year. I know that he wants me to rely on him despite everything, and maybe this is his way of showing me that I can live without so many things in my life. I'm not sure. But I don't remember the last time I felt so numb to the world. I really don't feel a single thing. Nothing. Not happiness, sadness, contentment, fear....I feel NOTHING. So if there is something he wants me to see, well I hope he can make it as obvious as possible. Because I'm more blind than anything at this point.
But maybe that is the point.