It really is sad. This is the most pathetic attempt at a blog that I've ever seen. Granted I haven't seen many blogs. But still, this is not what I had in mind for a daily discipline. I suck.
It seems that I have divided my "life change" and/or weight loss challenge into two seperate battles. And it seems that I feel unless I have both conquered, at the same time, that my goal will be reached. But if one falls to the way side, then the other must as well...because they go hand in hand. WELL...this is false. My two sides are 1. eating healthy and in moderation, and 2. regular excersize. While I do believe that these are both very important to a healthy life, it certainly is wrong to think I need one to accomplish the other. In fact, it's probably one of the main reasons I never conquer either!
Last week I started running with Jeff. He has been running for years and has a lot of really good information to help an amateur runner learn the ropes. He teaches me how to run properly, slowly and consistantly, and he also has all that biological (not sure if this is the right word??) information that keeps you from hurting for days on end after. I went for my first run (although greatly intimidated by his jedi running status) and found that I really enjoyed it! I didn't feel exhausted, I didn't hurt, and I felt ready to do it again the next day.
BUT, God gave me two left feet and an uncanny ability to hurt myself in any situation. So the next day while hiking down a very large mountain (to see this spectacular castle, but this is another story) I twisted my foot under itself and reinjured a fracture I acquired a year and a half ago. Yay for me.
So running was out for a little while.
AND this is where a normal person would say, ok since I can't excersize, I must eat more carefully and find other ways to kill the calories. But not I...no...not I. Instead in my head I hear, oh well you cant really tackle this problem until you can excersize anyway. So it's ok to have a little cheese after dinner, or an extra piece of icecream cake. ARGH! My brain is my enemy!
Ok, so this is a step. I'll acknowledge this. I'm admitting I have a problem. There is a bizarre barricade in my head that fights all will power to tackle this goal. I don't get it. Blah, I guess losing weight is more than just a physical fight, it's a whole Middle Earth meets the Death Star mental battle.
May the force be with me.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
The lonely majority
AND SO....it's been a while. I've been here, there, everywhere. But still I haven't found myself with many thoughts on, well, anything. It's a poor exscuse to ignore something I planned on commiting myself to, but I can at least say I warned you. It may take time but I WILL get to the point where I have a daily commitment to this. Not that it's important to document each and every day of my menial life, but rather for the discipline of it all.
I often feel like I should have some sort of theme, or basic idea to this whole blog thing. But I can never seem to chose what would be interesting enough for me to write daily about. I guess this is, again, why I'm searching for a place and an interest to give me inspiration. I have many ideas, but of course, they change as often as my hairstyle.
So for now I will talk about one of my short term goal I have decided to take on while continuing here in France. In fact, it really isn't a short term goal, or at least it shouldn't be. It should be a complete life change. But I've made a short term goal of losing at least 10 lbs while here for the next month. What a perfect time in my life, unlimited free time, good solid meals everyday, and a crazy running coach that will make me run til I drop.
Losing weight has always been a struggle for me. Or should I just say my weight in general? It's sad really, I wasn't always overweight. But I always THOUGHT I was. And now here I am, getting to a place in my life where it's only going to get harder, and I'm not healthy. I don't care if I'm ever a Cindy Crawford, but I want to be healthy. And I must say, I would kill to know what it's like to be able to wear ANYTHING I want. So now I'm standing in the front lines again my biggest battle that I have fought for all my life.
More than the ability to lose weight is a chance for me to tackle a mental barrier I've had for far too long. It's going to take determination, patience, and a lot of will power. Especially when I head back to the good ol' USA. It's not easy to make healthy eating choice in our society.
Also, I want to know and always understand that my weight is not a measure of my worth. Being heavy often makes me feel like a social outcast, that I'm not allowed to enjoy the same things as others or that I deserve them even. It's pure crap from Satan, but I feel it none the less. And this is something that has to be nipped in the bud. I never want to see my little cousins or my dear sweet Lucie thinking that all of their worth is in the reflection they see.
It's easy to get caught up in the attention and the desires of the beautiful people, but I know now, better than ever, that I don't want friends that will only love me because I make them look good. Same for my future partner. I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to know and weed through the people worth keeping in my life.
So here you have it. The begining of an end. I may not have all of the determination of Napolian, but here is a small chance for me to document, share, and review all of the good and bad days of a major battle.
So for now, this is the Diary of the "Curvy" woman; those who make up the most of this world, yet always feel alone.
I often feel like I should have some sort of theme, or basic idea to this whole blog thing. But I can never seem to chose what would be interesting enough for me to write daily about. I guess this is, again, why I'm searching for a place and an interest to give me inspiration. I have many ideas, but of course, they change as often as my hairstyle.
So for now I will talk about one of my short term goal I have decided to take on while continuing here in France. In fact, it really isn't a short term goal, or at least it shouldn't be. It should be a complete life change. But I've made a short term goal of losing at least 10 lbs while here for the next month. What a perfect time in my life, unlimited free time, good solid meals everyday, and a crazy running coach that will make me run til I drop.
Losing weight has always been a struggle for me. Or should I just say my weight in general? It's sad really, I wasn't always overweight. But I always THOUGHT I was. And now here I am, getting to a place in my life where it's only going to get harder, and I'm not healthy. I don't care if I'm ever a Cindy Crawford, but I want to be healthy. And I must say, I would kill to know what it's like to be able to wear ANYTHING I want. So now I'm standing in the front lines again my biggest battle that I have fought for all my life.
More than the ability to lose weight is a chance for me to tackle a mental barrier I've had for far too long. It's going to take determination, patience, and a lot of will power. Especially when I head back to the good ol' USA. It's not easy to make healthy eating choice in our society.
Also, I want to know and always understand that my weight is not a measure of my worth. Being heavy often makes me feel like a social outcast, that I'm not allowed to enjoy the same things as others or that I deserve them even. It's pure crap from Satan, but I feel it none the less. And this is something that has to be nipped in the bud. I never want to see my little cousins or my dear sweet Lucie thinking that all of their worth is in the reflection they see.
It's easy to get caught up in the attention and the desires of the beautiful people, but I know now, better than ever, that I don't want friends that will only love me because I make them look good. Same for my future partner. I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to know and weed through the people worth keeping in my life.
So here you have it. The begining of an end. I may not have all of the determination of Napolian, but here is a small chance for me to document, share, and review all of the good and bad days of a major battle.
So for now, this is the Diary of the "Curvy" woman; those who make up the most of this world, yet always feel alone.
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