Well here I begin again!
I'm glad that overall I have this thing to try and get myself into a routine. I'm actually quite excited about it! I even went and purchased one of those handheld digital voice recorders...so now I can save my thoughts from throughout the day. There are so many times when I see and think things...that I can never remember ten mins later. SO...hopefully I can make some good use of this.
I'm not going lie. Today I acted like nothing more than a six year old brat. I had a good ol' pity party for poor lil' me for the better part of the day. I suppose we all have our moments where we feel justified by this...but really I have nothing to be complaining about. Yes, my life isn't in the greatest of places...but I could be a hell of a lot worse off. Let me tell you...
But still I felt I had the right to be put out. I was really quite angry with everyone in my life. I have reasons enough...but anger does nothing but poison the vial in which it's held.
Thank God I'm leaving the country in 4 days.
My birthday is Saturday. Happy Birthday me! This is also the day in which I was SUPPOSED to get married. This is also the day in which 8 years ago...my first love was taken from this earth in a freak accident. So as you can see...I have very mixed emotions on the day itself. Well...considering that the wedding has been called off my parents thought it would be a great idea to have a big party with family and friends to celebrate and to say good bye, since first thing Sunday morning...I'm outta here!
Well...a lot has changed in just a week. My dad lost his job. His job of 20 plus years. And a lot has fallen on my parents on top of it. So...my mom was feeling too over whelmed to throw the party. So. I threw my own personal fit. I rule.
I don't really have the right to feel so down about it. I guess more than anything I was looking forward to staying distracted on that day. It's more painful this year that it has been...ever. But in my selfish consideration I forgot that this has all effected my family as well. I wasn't the only one who's' heart has been trampled on.
So I am determined. I'm not going to be a brat about this. It doesn't matter that it's my birthday. It's still JUST a day. And I can be grateful for all the wisdom that comes with another year of living. And I can be happy that I have more to come.
So this ends my small hissy fit. Again I realize not much has come to pass in this blog. But it's a step towards something great. I know it and I feel it. Now just to live it.
I'm glad that overall I have this thing to try and get myself into a routine. I'm actually quite excited about it! I even went and purchased one of those handheld digital voice recorders...so now I can save my thoughts from throughout the day. There are so many times when I see and think things...that I can never remember ten mins later. SO...hopefully I can make some good use of this.
I'm not going lie. Today I acted like nothing more than a six year old brat. I had a good ol' pity party for poor lil' me for the better part of the day. I suppose we all have our moments where we feel justified by this...but really I have nothing to be complaining about. Yes, my life isn't in the greatest of places...but I could be a hell of a lot worse off. Let me tell you...
But still I felt I had the right to be put out. I was really quite angry with everyone in my life. I have reasons enough...but anger does nothing but poison the vial in which it's held.
Thank God I'm leaving the country in 4 days.
My birthday is Saturday. Happy Birthday me! This is also the day in which I was SUPPOSED to get married. This is also the day in which 8 years ago...my first love was taken from this earth in a freak accident. So as you can see...I have very mixed emotions on the day itself. Well...considering that the wedding has been called off my parents thought it would be a great idea to have a big party with family and friends to celebrate and to say good bye, since first thing Sunday morning...I'm outta here!
Well...a lot has changed in just a week. My dad lost his job. His job of 20 plus years. And a lot has fallen on my parents on top of it. So...my mom was feeling too over whelmed to throw the party. So. I threw my own personal fit. I rule.
I don't really have the right to feel so down about it. I guess more than anything I was looking forward to staying distracted on that day. It's more painful this year that it has been...ever. But in my selfish consideration I forgot that this has all effected my family as well. I wasn't the only one who's' heart has been trampled on.
So I am determined. I'm not going to be a brat about this. It doesn't matter that it's my birthday. It's still JUST a day. And I can be grateful for all the wisdom that comes with another year of living. And I can be happy that I have more to come.
So this ends my small hissy fit. Again I realize not much has come to pass in this blog. But it's a step towards something great. I know it and I feel it. Now just to live it.
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